This part of the project, was by far the most time consuming part. I wanted the writing to read well, be precise and instructional. Here is the contents for each page(16) of the book. excluding the front/back covers and the two instructional pages. The titles of each scenario are written above.
The Batman
The first impression is crucial, on your first day you will walk into the studio, and be analyzed immediately. It’s said that 80% of first impression are defined by what you a wearing. It is this fact that makes it crucial that you draw inspiration for your first day outfit from Batman. Wearing a cape will automatically put your fellow graphic student on the back foot, creating immediate awkward aura around you. For only the most committed social recluses try the mask as well
Big Fat Gypsy
For those of you that are not familiar, the inspiration for this socially awkward first impression, has originated from the TV show on channel 4 entitled “my big fat gypsy wedding”. It is not the context of the show that is important; it is the fashion and the general persona of being a gypsy we are interested in. If you succeed in convincing your new peers that indeed, you are, a gypsy, you have won. Gypsy’s are generally perceived to be thief’s that live in caravans. You will need to watch a couple of episodes of the TV show, to really get and idea of how you need to look and act, like all good graphic design projects, research on your topic is crucial.
Builders With A Difference
We are aware of the term, builders bum. This social faux pas, basically involves having your ass crack hanging out at any opportunity. The graphic design studio is a perfect location for this effeminate twist on the builder’s bum, with back less chairs and low shelving, perfect for crouching down. All you will need to create social friction between you and your new ‘mates’ is a pair of women’s underwear and little dignity. The name of the game here, is to wear the same item of women underwear all week, preferably a thong, making sure at every opportunity your trouser are at least half way down your ass. If you’re a hairy man, even better.
White Supremacy
Nothing screams socially unacceptable quite like white supremacy, this is a sure fire way to loose friends hard and fast. You will need do to none of the talking here, let your t-shirt do the work. I LOVE NAZI’S, is a good place to start, however if you wanted to be a little more subtle then quotes by Hitler will also work. Although this may not have the immediate effect of alienation that you will be wanting, by the time you realise how much work you actually have. You could also take this to the next level and wet shave your head before entering the studio on your first day. Strong advised, that you wear a coat to and from Uni.
So You Think You Can Dance
There needs to be a certain degree of preparation for this socially awkward situation. Your aim is to raise hopes, then shatter dreams, especially those of the opposite sex. Spreading word of your ‘sick moves’ and previous triumphs in the dancing world is crucial. The last night of fresher’s is when you finally give in to the pleas of “show us your moves”. Clearing a space on the dance floor, all you need to think to succeed, is dad on cocaine. Such classic moves as the robot and the running man are imperative for success, all performed in an incredibly erratic fashion. For those willing to take it to the next level, unbuttoning your shirt and brutally grinding on the nearest person can never fail to shock.
The Sick Trick
Its perfectly acceptable to be sick in fresher’s week, as long as you take yourself back home, or to a quite little corner Leeds, to reflect upon what it was that made it all end up like this. To really alienate yourself from your new ‘mates’ the frequency and style in which you are sick needs to be exceptional. Like the theory behind this book -high output=success-. Make it your mission to be sick every night, drink excessively, stick your finger down your throat, and do whatever you need to do. Just make sure when your sick, your aim is exemplary and you pick the most awkward place/person to be sick on.
If Looks Could Kill
In creating this awkward situation you will have to pick you target, and pick carefully, most people would go for the opposite sex at this point, however keeping it to the same sex makes everything a lot more awkward. It’s important that, through out this process you say nothing, not even when spoken to. All you need to do is go on a night out, say nothing and stare consistently at one person.
However, this is not your average stare. Through primary research I have discovered that lowering your chin towards your chest slightly, and constantly looking up, raising one eyebrow, embodies everything inappropriate in one look. Holding this position all night can only end in the right result.
Breakfast,Lunch,Dinner
A timeless classic. This has been considered socially unacceptable from the early years, when your mother used to slap you on the wrist for doing it. Picking your nose and eating it. Nothing shouts socially inept more. To obtain the desired effects, you need it take to extremes. Gather inspiration from the quote “waste not want not”
Prison Tales
Your past history allows you to create an elaborate socially awkward lies. The idea behind this particular situation will leave your new peers uneasy and generally worries about being left in a room alone with you, creating a seriously uncomfortable persona around you. Tell everyone you meet, weather graphic designers or not, that you have done a significant stretch in prison. Inevitably the next question will be “what for?” In reply, don’t say anything, just stare aggressively back into there eyes. This undoubtedly will work in isolating yourself from any friendship group.
Is That You?
Yes it’s you. Preparation for your first day at Uni is crucial. No one stands out more than the smelly kid in class. To achieve the desired stench, there will need to be no showering at least a couple of weeks before the start Uni, wearing the same clothes over this time period is vitally important, it will allow the appalling smell of your skin to manifest itself in your outer layers, maximizing the stink. Remember you’re a creative, be creative with your smells.
Social Status
Facebook gives you the perfect opportunity, to be socially awkward on a mass scale. There is a whole array of uploads, comments and likes that will leave your new peers bewildered, about who you really are. In this case you will need to focus on the status updates. Make it your mission to come up with the most cringe, over familiar statuses you can think of. A prime example of this may be
“ I am SOOOOO happy right now, thanks for an amazing night…the best I have ever had…(tag friends names) I love you all” after the first night of fresher’s. This is a process that should be repeated for every single night.
Divine Right
The trick here is to convince yourself and your new peers that you are God’s chosen one. Your appearance is not that crucial, however what you say and your general demeanor is important in creating a convincing character. What this will allow you to do is anything. It’s your divine right. You own the place. With no one above you, the decisions you make are correct. Thus alienating yourself from the group.
Death Collector
Undoubtedly with in the first week a conversation will arise about hobbies or past times, when this conversation does arise, you need to be prepared. In answer to the question, what you need to do is turn slowly to face them, intimidatingly stare them right in the eyes and say with a slight grin. “I collect dead things” continue to invite them to your room later to see some of your collection…. They wont come.
The Hoarder
In halls its standard practice that everyone will meet in someone’s flat for ‘pre-lash’ before going out. There are normally around 20 people there, which gives you a perfect opportunity to sneak into a persons room and steal something of a personal nature. A strong example would be underwear. The idea is to keep them for at least a few days; this will allow time for the person to realise there gone. The next stage is to return said item, to the person, preferably in a large group, saying, “ I took these the other night” the manner in which this line is delivered is crucial, think seedy old man.
Dynamite
The inspiration for this awkward action comes from the film Napoleon Dynamite, specifically the dance scene at the end. Research and practice will be required here. At 2.16mins on the You Tube video ‘Napoleon Dynamite Dance Scene’ there is a significant hip trust. It’s this hip trust you need to incorporate into your every day life, convincingly. Perhaps using it as a knee jerk reaction to nerves, standing up in front of the group at Crits, or even in one on one conversation. If it doesn’t make u peers feel awkward, what will? Its imperative that you do the ‘the hip trust’ consistently through out the year.
Copy Cat
Bringing it back to primary school is what needs to be done here. Nothing used to be more annoying than having a copycat mimicking you. Same process involved here, but on a more sophisticated elaborate level. If they go to the loo, you do. If they buy clothes, you buy the same, you drink what they drink, eat what they eat. Why not try copying their design work. This is quick way to loose friends. To really stand alone, interchange between others in the set.
* uploaded before proof read.
No comments:
Post a Comment